the night of the living dead.........................

The-most-scariest-thing-happened-to-me-last-night.
Oh my God, it was so scary.
Last night, my slumber was broken by a freakin rat jumping on my head!!!!!!
Oh my gah, oh my gah, oh my gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Well, at least I thought it was a rat... I couldn't tell in the darkness.
As I was sleeping, I felt this kinda small, kinda heavy, kinda warm thing fall right above my eyebrows... my forehead, if you will.
As you can imagine - and you must imagine - my eyes shot open with pupils dilated, nostrils flared, ears perked, body stiffened, and breathing stopped.
I must have been a horrendous sight to see, indeed.
In the split second that my physical features were adjusting to this unexpected surprise (and aren't all surprises unexpected, which is the reason why it is called a "surprise"?), my mind was desperately seeking an answer by asking questions:
Is it a rat?
Is it a creepy man petting me as I sleep... Mr. Antolini? I feel for you Holden.
Is it Foggy?
Whatever... I didn't care what the hell it was.
Alls I know is that I jumped hella fast out of my blanket and started shaking my head and body like a madman.
I even shouted in very manly voice, "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I shocked myself.
I thought that surely I would have awakened the rest of the house, but everything was silent.
All the while, my eyes were scanning the bed looking for the rat or Mr. Antolini.
I still couldn't see anything, but my body sure as hell felt the damn thing again.
This time the kinda small, kinda heavy, kinda warm thing ran across my body.
Again, my eyes shot open with pupils dilated, nostrils flared, and ears perked.
My body stiffened and I stopped breathing, but in all the excitement, I started to feel my right arm tingle.
I looked at my arm and I knew what had awoken me.
It was not a rat, but my dead, lifeless, numb arm.

Sometime in the night, I must have fallen asleep with my arm over my head and it must have gone completely numb after I unknowingly cut off its' circulation.
Then, my hand must have touched my forehead, but since my stupid hand lost all feeling, I didn't realize it.
And when I felt the "rat" for the second time, it must have been my arm swinging across my body, but of course I still didn't know it was my arm because it was still 100% numb.
The tingly-sensation was none other than my arm regaining blood.

So, I guess the most scariest thing that has ever happened to me wasn't very scary after all.
Unless you take into account the moment when I looked down at my right arm.
Because when I did, boy, it freaked me out.
Not only did it feel dead, but it looked dead, too.
It would be too difficult for me to explain what a dead, but not really dead, hand looks like, so I won't even try.
But, try to imagine it......................................

your personal hygiene...

i feel so nice and clean right now...

i just clipped my nails, took a shower, and brushed my teeth (so minty-fresh).

i used to hate brushing my teeth, i still do actually.

when i was younger, the only time i ever felt motivated to brush my teeth was after i watched a catchy sesame street skit where a gazillion muppets would pop up from behind shower curtains, shake their heads back and forth, jump around, all the while singing, "kids just love to brush! we love it! we love it!"

to give you an idea of how the scene looked liked, here's a link to a youtube video of my colorful friends motivating the hell out of me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrJaN-OD1ig

i hope my dentist happens to watch this video before my next visit.

his breath shocks and suffocates me each time.

how terrible is it to have a dentist whose breath can trigger my gag-reflex?

it kinda scares me to think that i'm getting brushing tips from this guy because he's either not taking his own advice or he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about.

anyways, as i was cutting my fingernails, it struck me as a kinda odd thing to have to do.

isn't it strange how your nails just keep on growing and growing, and every once in a while everyone in the whole entire world has to take some time out to cut them?

unless you're a freak-of-nature, as this person clearly is:

i don't know who this person is, but, yikes!!!

let's hope that she's not trying to grow out her toenails, too.

there are only a handful of things in this world that disturb me as much as long toenails do.

it's so gross.

i especially hate it when girls give their disgusting little toes french manicures (is that what it's called?).

i can only imagine how long they must have had to grow out their toenails in order to have them done up that way.

gives me the heebie-geebies.

come people, cut them toenails, please!!!

don't be like those tiny dogs with claws that scratch the pavement as they walk (and bark... those tiny dogs always have to be barking, don't they?) past you.

please, take the time to brush and clip.