rick steves...

I just finished reading about all of Ched's great adventures throughout Europe and it makes me wish I had some adventures of my own...
But then, I kicked myself in the head and said to myself, "Hellllllllllllllloooooooo!!! Jane, you're in freakin' Korea!!! You've been reunited with family and friends that you haven't seen in 9 years!!! You're a teacher in a freakin' middle school!!! Every day is a crazy, cool adventure!!!"
And then, I nodded in agreement with myself and I was well pleased.

Hey, imagine if I could really kick myself in the head!!!
Hey, imagine if Eugene could kick himself in the head... better yet, imagine if he could touch his toes without bending his knees... or pick up a toothbrush every now and then... PUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I'm sorry.

"I want the chronic (what?) cles of Narina..."
I just had to throw that in there.

jane the vain...

You know what I've noticed?
A lot of rappers and others claim that their masterful lyricism (did i just make up that word?) is the 8th wonder of the world.
I don't even know how many times I've heard people claim this or that as the "8th wonder of the world."
Well, I don't want to miss out on all the fun, so I hereby declare myself as the 8th wonder of the world.
That's right... from hence forth, Jane the Vain is the 8th wonder.
Marvel at my brilliance... go ahead... marvel (I'm currently standing, arms outstrected in a kind of Christ-like pose, with my head tilted upwards... oh, and there's a wonderful glow radiating from my body. Hmm... i sure am making myself sound like jesus or something, huh? "Hey, Jesus, are you going to larry's party later?" hahahahaha... Ched, that was for you.)

merry christmas...

As some of you may or may not have guessed, I am currently in Korea, which means yesterday I spent my first Christmas away from my family, friends, DC, and the US of A.
It was very unChristmas-y, but very refreshing in many ways...
It was the first time my Christmas wasn't consumed with consumerism (you like my play on words? Brilliant, i know. puahhahaha!).
On both Christmas Eve and Christmas day, I spent all my time with the people I love and we just hung out.
All we wanted to do was be together, the gift exchange was just something we needed to do to get out of the way.
There weren't even any gifts exchanged between mi amigos y I... unless by "gifts" you mean love... in that case, there were tons of gifts exchanged... awwwww, how sweet.

oh my gah................

I don't have any classes today, so I've basically been chillin' for the past 6 hours or so.
I don't have anything to write about.
I'm just bored, to tell you the truth.
Really bored.
The most exciting thing I did today was leave campus without asking to pay my bills and mail some Christmas cards to my family.
I paid my bills, but sent no cards... there were 3 too many people at the post office.
Literally, 3 too many people.
I walked in the door, saw 2 people at the counter and 3 people sitting down.
Those 3 people sitting down were an indication to me that I would have to sit down along side them and wait... something I was not willing to do.

Oh maiiii gahhhh...
Ni how ma... leon lai... meh-un du-bu...
I am so bored.
Can you tell how bored I am?
I'm practically lying down in my chair, my eyes half open, my jaw is completely relaxed, but I am tactful enough to keep my mouth shut... I don't want any drool to ruin my lovely coat.
Me legs are stretched in front of me and every once in a while I flex and rotate my feet to get the blood circulating again.

There have been a couple times when I was picking at my hangnails or drawing circles and filling them in when I looked up to find a kid waiting there to say "hi" to me.
That must not look very good.
Sometimes I hold a pen and take out a piece of paper with English written all over it and just stare, pretending I'm working on a lesson.
I'm not sure if people fall for it, but I don't really care.
Most of the time, I just sit there, eyes glazed over, daydreaming.

This Saturday, Christmas Eve, I'm gonna watch a ballet with my family.
What a snore.
I fell asleep during "Phantom of the Opera" and the circus... and I'm gonna fall asleep during the ballet.
I don't discriminate.

When I think of the ballet, I think of English people drinking tea and eating crumpets.
I don't know why... maybe because these are all supposed to be proper things.
That's another thing that reminds me of English people, the word "proper."
Hey, I wonder what reminds people of me...
KQED?
Cats?
Not very exciting, but I guess it's better than, say, a dung beetle.

What the hell am I talking about?
I apologize for all of this nonsense.
Although, if you, my dear reader, have made it this far, you are probably as bored as me... you should reconsider how to better spend your free time.
Stop sitting in front of the computer checking blogs.
Go out, get some fresh air, let the sun touch your pastey white skin...

In the middle...

Okay, I'm listening to another episode of "This American Life" (as I am an 'T.A.L.'-whorebag... whateva, I don't care) and it's titled "Special Treatment."
This is, as the title suggests, about people who get special treatment for one reason or another.
They just finished talking to these siblings who agreed that younger kid got treated better than the older one.

So, this got me thinking about my own family.
Now, this may be the "middle-child syndrome" speaking, but I think it is safe to say that I definately never got treated better than my siblings... ever... never, ever, ever.
I'm one of those kids who are mean and complain, but not enough for my parents to buy me things to shut the hell up.
And, I'm nice, but not nice enough for my parents to notice and shower me with gifts.
I'm just kinda there.
Not too mean, not too nice, not too loud, not too quiet, not too needy...
You know, I'm in the middle... oh, yes, I am in the middle.

Oh,the life of a middle-child.
Do you want to know how "middle" I am?
When my brother left for college, my mom cried and my dad said, "goodbye," and we all watched him as his friend drove him away.
When Jamie left for college, my mom cried, my dad said, "goodbye," and the rest of us felt sad she was going so far away.
When Ched left, my mom cried (maybe out of joy), my dad said, "goodbye," and I was a little sad the brat would be gone.
When I left for college, my mom remained on the computer, my dad continued watching tv, I said "goodbye," no one looked up, I walked to my friend's car, and we pulled away from an empty driveway.

Eugene doesn't get gifts, but he's obviously my mom's favorite.
Jamie loves to manipulate my dad, and it works.
Ched gets anything and everything she wants... that crooked-faced bastard.
I, on the other hand, don't get anything.
Shhhh... mama, brother, sisters, please... don't try to argue with me... you know I'm right.
I never got any goodies.
Ah well... I don't need or want a car or money or laptops or ... or ... or ... love.
PUhahahahahaha... (I seriously kill myself)

For those of you who grow older and have tons of children, please don't ignore the middle-child...

the american life...

I'm listening to "This American Life" and this one segment (dare I say, an "act") has people talk about various words or ideas that they believed when they were younger and continued to believe into adulthood.
For example, one lady thought the "children xing" signs around schools were "children zing," not "children crossing."
She figured that children had to zing across the street, as to not get run over, so it made sense.
She believed this well into her 30's.
It's funny, because when I was younger, I believed that same exact thing and pronounced it the same exact way.

Another thing that tripped me out, and I'm sure I'm not alone, was the 14kt necklace.
I remember when I was 4 or 5 years old, sitting in the living room with my mom and my brother.
My brother's 14kt necklace broke at the latch, so he and my mama were trying to fix it.
As they were doing this and that, my mom pointed out that the necklace was 14kts.
"14 carrots???" I thought.
Now, that's crazy.
How can a necklace have 14 carrots?
And, why can't I see these carrots?
I remember staring at that necklace and imagining these teeny-tiny carrots dangling on the chain... 14 of them, as a matter of fact.
Of course, they are too small for the eye to see...
But, I truly believed that somewhere on that necklace lived 14 little carrots.

I also remember when I was younger, I thought that babies came out of the belly button.
puhahahaha.

I also remember reading the line, "the ogre walked down the aisle" as "the og-ree walked down the ai-slee."
I'm sure Ched remembers this too because this line came out of a book that I was reading to her.
And, she laughed and laughed and corrected me.
Yes, my little sister corrected my English.

I also remember when I was in 5th grade, the class had to take turns reading out of the science book.
When it was my turn, I came across a word that I was not familiar with and pronounced it exactly like how it is spelt: con-science.
I pronounced "conscience" as "con-science."
Ms. Clements corrected me, I laughed a little, made a remark about how the word "science" threw me off, and kept on reading.

I guess you can say that I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.
That's the reason why I would resort to the age old method of... cheating!!!
Yup, yup.
As I like to say (and I know that Eugene agrees with me), cheaters always prosper until they get caught.
Hhahahaha... I'm just kidding... no, i'm not...

Just kill me now...

I just came back from a class where I interviewed a bunch of kids in English, and this one kid had some of the stankiest breath ever!!!
It's the type that lingers in the air with a thickness you can actually feel.
It's the type that can burn away your nose hairs.
It's the type that makes you hold you breath and stare at the person, wondering if they have ever heard of a toothbrush.
It's the type that makes you almost hate the person for insulting your olfactory.

I'm not saying that my breath smells like roses all day long (actually, i prefer the smell of mint on my breath... ah, so fresh!!!), but I am aware of when I need to divert the direction of my hummin' breath by covering my mouth or turning my head.
Sometimes, I wonder how the prepetrator can't smell the sewage coming out of their mouth.
I mean, c'mon, it's coming out from right under your nose!!!
Chew on a piece of gum, eat a candy, carry some tic-tacs around with you.

Hey, speaking of tic-tacs, I love the light green ones.
Who's with me?
It reminds me of my grandma.
(Hey, Ched, what the color of those light green tic-tacs remind you of??? hee hee)
The orange ones shouldn't even be considered a breath mint... let's be honest, it's just candy!!!

Everyone, please brush your teeth twice a day... (**cough, Eugene, cough**)
I'm not a fan of floss, but I highly recommend it.
Please, if not for yourselves, then for people like me... people who value their nose hair and oxygen.
Thank you.