Calvin and Hobbes...

Many, many years ago, I was in the restroom reading Calvin and Hobbes and there was this one scene that really stood out to me.

Before I continue, let me briefly break off into a tangent.
Growing up, my family has always had books, magazines, newpapers, etc in the bathroom so that we could read as we did our thing.
I think that without exception, Calvin and Hobbes was our favorite read.
But, one thing that each of us did that drove everyone else crazy was read the lines out loud.
Each of us created voices for Calvin and Hobbes in our heads, so when we would hear each other reading everything aloud, it would bug the heck out of us.
It was bad enough when one of us read everything in our normal voices, but when we tried to change our voices to what we thought they should sound like... man, it was maddening.
So, it wasn't uncommon to hear one of us reading the lines, another one of us yelling, "Ah!!! Shut up! That's not what they sound like! Shut up!"
Then, hear some banging on the door, then the lines being read even louder, then, "Lalalalalala! shut up! lalalalalalala."

Okay, back to my original thoughts.
Where was I?
Oh, yes.
So, there was one particular scene from Calvin and Hobbes that stood out to me.
It's a scene where Calvin and Hobbes are getting ready for bed, and when they are all nice and comfy, Calvin asks Hobbes why people dream, and Hobbes says, "I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time."
Then Calvin says, "Well, I’ll see you in a few minutes, Ol’ buddy.”
And Hobbes responds, "I'll be there."
And the next picture shows them sleeping with smiles on their faces.

Ever since I read that, I've always thought it'd be cool as hell if people can actually meet up in their dreams.
This way you can always be with friends and family, people you love, people you miss, people who make you hecka laugh, basically people you don't want to part with.
It'd be tons of fun!
I'm not saying that we should have control of our dreams, but if I dreamt that I was drinking a milky-green drink at a gathering of rich people with Cheddie, then Ched would be dreaming the same thing at the same time.
Then, if all of a sudden, the scene changes and I'm holding a hundred seagulls on a string and I see my mom in the distance, my mom would be dreaming that she sees me in the distance holding these seagulls.
Then, I would wake up and I could be like, "Hey, Cheddie, wasn't that drink hecka yummy? What does the color remind you of?"
And Ched would be like, "Dude, stop asking me that 'color' question! Oh, and that drink was good. You drank yours hecka fast!!!"
And then my mom could ask me later, "Did you see me when you were holding all those birds? I was going to wave to you, but your hands were full, so I didn't!!!"

Wouldn't that be hecka fun?

another boring post.................

After class, I sat down at my desk to find an orange and sweet, sticky rice cakes on my desk.
Some of the parents sent them over for all the teachers eat and enjoy.
How asian can you get?
Oranges and rice cakes?
Man, if this were America, I would be waiting for someone to say "ching, chong, chinaman" to me.
But, luckily, I'm in Korea.

You know what's crazy?
While I was in Italy, 2 people went "ching, ching, ching" to me.
I forgot where I was the first time... but, the second time I was touring around Bologna, telling a classmate that a couple weeks prior someone made those sounds at me.
Then, as if it were scripted, a old man at the side of the road said "ching ching" to me, too!!!
What the hell?
And, it wasn't even because he overheard my conversation either.

On my flight Italy, there was hella turbulence.
Like, I thought the O2 masks were gonna drop any second.
I wasn't scared.
I figured, if we die, we die.
If we don't, we don't.
So, I was just kinda chillin.
But, the lady next to me would grab my arm and say:
"Mama mia!"
I was gonna bust up laughing because I thought that Italians didn't really say that.
I thought it was some Mario & Luigi thing.

Awww... Man!!!
I have to teach my afterschool classes now.
It's hard teaching these kids because I see them all during regular classes, which means I can't repeat lessons.
So, lately I've been having them work on word searches.
I'm showing them a movie next week.
Harry Potter.
The longest damn movie out there.
Oh yeah!!!

Happy B-day, Mommy!!!

Today is Thursday, but it feels more like a Monday.
Not a good feeling.
Not a good feeling at all.
Whatever... get over it.

Today is also my mama's birthday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY!!!
I love you!!!
I sent you the best gift you'll ever receive... I've sent you my love.
muahahahahaha.
It's a very cheap gift, but priceless.
Don't expect anything to come in the mail, but expect something to come in your heart!!!
puahahahahaha!!!!!

korean looking american..........

I'm sure I've written about this before, but I'm slightly senile and this is my blog, so I can write and rewrite about whatever I want, as many times as I want.
What I wanted to (re)write about is my life here in Korea... as a Korean who doesn't speak Korean.
There are tons of foreignies in America, so if people can't speak English, I'm like, "whateva."
But, in Korea, there aren't as many foreigners, especially foreigners who look Korean and are Korean, but only can only speak English.
It's a little hard to explain.

Before I continue, let me back up a bit.
I am a pretty private person.
(sure jane, that's why you have a blog, right?)
I don't like people knowing things about me.
I don't like people listening in on my conversations.
And, I really don't like it when people stare at me.
If I had a needle in my back pocket, I'd poke their eyes out!
*POP, POP*

Ok, imagine you're invisible.
Now, imagine you are walking along a busy farm town in Idaho, and you hear one of the potato growers speaking Italian.
Wouldn't that weird you out... and fascinate you at the same time?
It's like, "what the heck is this white farmer in idaho doing speaking italian?"
Well, that's the kinda of reaction I get when I open my mouth to talk.
I'm completely Korean looking, but I speak English.
So, when I start talking in English people often times do double takes or stare or ask me a billion questions.
It's hellz of annoying.
Everything I hate, they do!

Yes, yes, I know that I'm the cool American girl, but please, stand back!
puahahaha.
Lucky for me, I can turn off my conscience at my own convenience.
Like, if people want to hang out or get English lessons, I can easily say "yes," but walk away with no intention of keeping my promise.
I'm the queen of dodging people.
In college, I used to walk around talking to an imaginary friend on my cellphone to avoid having to talk to a real life person.

Anyways, often times, I find it best to keep my mouth shut.
This way I can prevent the staring and the questions.
mouth open = "wow, jane is so american and so cool!"
mouth shut = "jane, who?" = jane happy

barffffffff......................

Last night, the other English teachers, the vice principal, and I went out to eat at a kinda swanky restaurant.
It's specialty is crab, but crab is pretty expensive, and the vp was paying for dinner.
Well, she said she didn't mind, so all the teachers ordered the crab... and so did I.

Now, I was expecting to eat a wonderful piece of crab the way that my mom makes it...
boiled and simmered in a delightfully spicy sauce that makes your mouth water.
(i'm salivating as we speak!)
Oh, it's so delicious!

But, when the waitress put the crab in front of me, I wanted to cry.
It was nothing like my mama's!!!
It wasn't even cooked.
Now, I didn't have a camera to document this terrifying moment, but I'll try my hardest to explain.

This disgusting dish is prepared by drowning a crab in soy sauce and spices for a few weeks.
Once the poor thing is dead and basically pickled, it's ready to serve.
The shell is still brownish in color, and it is cracked in half so all it's guts are spilling out.
Now, I don't see how Koreans see this as appetizing.
Anyways, the shell is cracked in half, the legs are pulled from the body, the meat is a little translucent, with a brownish tint (from the soy sauce), and there's all this orange and yellowish jiggly stuff everywhere.
I can only assume that these are some of it's organs.
It tastes really fishy and it's really salty.
And it's all slimy and wiggly in your mouth.
Dude, I have a hard time eating sashimi, so how I ate this thing, I do not know.
What I do know is that I will never assume all crab is my mom's crab.
And, I will never eat that piece of dung again!
Just thinking about makes me want to do one of those really ugly "i'm gonna barf" coughs.
You know, when you're body heaves forward, you're mouth is open, and your eyes are all red and watery.
Yeah, one of those coughs.

I do those coughs quite a lot.
Just like how that disgusting crab is that restaurant's specialty, throwing up is my disgusting specialty.
It really is.
I can basically throw up on cue.
If I was given a dime for every time I've thrown up in my life, I'd be a hundredaire (did you really think i'd say "millionaire." come, come, now who has actually thrown up 100,000 times? no one. let's be real here. by the way, did i do the math right? damn, i'm a dummy.).
Throwing up is like second nature to me.
I can be like, "Hey, I really like your shoes...* bAAARRfffffffffffff*... oops, sorry about that!"
For real.
It's disgusting, I know.

the sunny side...

I have noticed a theme of negativity in my past few posts...
Now, some may say that it's just a reflection of my personality.
That I am a negative, mean person.
Come, come, we all know that that isn't true.
Yes, I feel less sorry for a handicapped person if they are ugly.
Yes, I have been known to call members of my family "bastards" (although, it's much better than my former usage of the word "faggot," right?)
And yes, I enjoy sticking my tongue out at little kids who stare at me.
However, on a more positive note, I also like to hold to the door or elevators open for strangers.
I also had fun writing my sister a poem for her birthday (which was the best damn poem she'll ever receive in her life!).
And, I also find myself not laughing when people trip or have to chase after a bus.

I don't know what the point of this blog is.
I would write a little more, to somehow find a way to make some sense of this nonsense, but I have class in a few minutes.
And, I'm getting tired.
I just had lunch... food coma.

Kill me now...

Mondays suck.
It's gotten to the point where when I see the word "Monday" I get all like, "ughhhhh..."
Sunday nights suck, too.
Sunday nights mock me - "haha. technically, i am the weekend, but when you go to sleep tonight, you'll wake up to the sound of your alarm clock in the morning. haha. you can't really enjoy me. haha."
Whoever sang that song "This manic Monday... I wish it were Sunday..." should have sang, "This manic Monday... I wish it were Sunday... mornings..."
If Sunday nights were a person, I'd seriously give him the evil eye.
Now, Tuesdays aren't any treat either, but I'll let that one go.
Today is Monday, and I'm hating it.

You know what else I hate?
I hate it when I wake up in the middle of the night to a cold, numb, arm.
Whose arm?
My arm!!!
You know what I'm talking about?
... When you cut off circulation in your arm, so it's like a dead limb?
It's really creepy.
You can't even really move it.
The first time it happened to me, I was so freaked out.
I was like half asleep, so I wasn't sure if it was my arm or someone else's.

But, do you know what I love?
I love waking up thinking, "Oh my dear God, I have to get ready for work!!!"
But then, realize that it's Saturday or Sunday.
The initial shock makes the reality that much more sweeter.

I hate Mondays...